Paul Francis Photography

-We love marriage just as much as we love weddings. Take a moment to prepare not just for the wedding, but for the marriage-

Sometimes we seem so different. He likes action movies, I like comedies. He prefers beer, I prefer pina coladas. His perfect date is hiking, mine is dancing. Sometimes I wonder how in the world did we end up together? Of course, I know: true friendship, shared values, shared life-vision (that will be a future post so stay tuned), commitment to mutual love and fidelity. But in the day-to-day stuff of life we tend to over look those big picture concepts and notice the small differences that can create friction. And then dwell on them, forgetting the big stuff that brought us together in the first place. Though this post is not really about those big things, this post is about embracing those differences because finally after 3 years of marriage I’m starting to realize that they can be good for us.

During our engagement, I heard married couples say how they “balance each other out” and I wondered if Paul and I did that for one another. I even worried about it. I really did not see it at the time, probably because we did not have many conflicts! Though, as our relationship progresses and we encounter more challenges to overcome together I see this so much more. At first, it just looks like a disagreement. Like one of those how did we end up together? moments. Then as we work through it, praying for patience and understanding, I start to see that there is something unique and special about the two of us together. We balance each other out. Our differences force us to be open to new ideas, to look at the why behind our feelings. It opens us to change, and that love we have for one another makes it possible. I have seen this with big important decisions and simple not so important things like, deciding if we should take the night off or finish our work. Because Paul’s super hard-workingness causes him to work tirelessly and my non-stop Saturday night fever keeps me from getting work done. We used to argue about it, but now that we know this about ourselves we more quickly can realize if we need to  encourage the other or compromise. So our differences become a blessing (albeit in disguise) to our marriage and to us as individuals. Through them we see that we’re not perfect, but we’re perfect for each other. They give us opportunities to be open and balance each other out. So embrace those differences, like the exceptional couple that you are.

*Carolyn

ps. Go Giants! I’m not even into sports, and I thought it was good game!

-We love marriage just as much as we love weddings. Take a moment to prepare not just for the wedding, but for the marriage-

This weekend Paul’s brother said he admired how he puts first things first. Among other things he clarified that he meant making marriage and family life a priority, focusing attention on time together as a couple and with our son. With that said, sometimes we need to focus on making marriage moments happen at home. As my mom told me, love starts at home. So if I’m not loving Paul, I cannot share the love with you guys. Right now, I need to love my husband and take a night off from writing to focus. So there are no stories, no anecdotes, or long lessons on love today. Just a couple words of wisdom from my momma: love starts at home.

*Carolyn

ps. Thanks, Esther, for snapping this photo of us.

-We love marriage just as much as we love weddings. Take a moment to prepare not just for the wedding, but for the marriage-

Giving the benefit of the doubt. It sounds so simple, yet for me sometimes the simplest things are surprisingly difficult to carry out. I never even thought about this as a concept to apply to Paul and I until I read about it in a book on marriage. The author reminds us that despite our inevitable fights disagreements, our spouses are people of general good will and argues that more often than not we should give them the benefit of the doubt. Our spouses are people of good will? You might want to say, duh! That’s why we are (getting) married! But somehow in the heat of a discussion this logic gets buried behind sentiments of I’m right! But, just reminding myself of this simple truth at those moments I’m often moved to recognition and repentance of what I have done wrong. Or, if I am actually right it helps me to approach the issue with peace, gentleness, and forgiveness.

So if we remember that our spouses are people of good will then we can also more easily give them the benefit of the doubt. I don’t know if this is a woman thing or a Carolyn thing, but Paul is often refuting my assumptions when I “read between the lines”. He will say What? Did I say that?, and when I proudly say that even though he did not actually say those words I know how to interpret what he said.  Paul just laughs and says light-heartedly, I didn’t mean that at all. You’re so silly. And then I’m all mad for being wrong, on top of whatever reason that I invented in head. Hopefully I can heed the advice I read in that book. When I think I should be offended by something, to give Paul the benefit of the doubt. To remember, this is my husband, my caring, sensitive, loving, gentle, husband who loves me, whyyy would he come out of no where and offend me? Chances are, he probably did not. Giving the benefit of the doubt, not jumping to conclusions, not only does it save me from useless stress but it’s another way to show Paul my love. It lets him know that I recognize he is a person of good will, a loving husband, and I know I have a good man.

*Carolyn

ps. Did you see the Giants game last night?! Even though I’m not much of a sports fan, since Paul’s grandfather played for the Giants back in the day when they wore leather helmets, I am a fan by association. I watch almost every game with Paul. That was a pretty awesome game, makes me more excited to see what happens at the Superbowl!!