Never Stop Dating {Not Out for Dinner}

Going out for dinner seems like the default date. And that’s usually fine by me because I love going out to dinner (who doesn’t love delicious food without the work or cleanup?), but it is nice to switch it up and do something different. In fact, I believe that changing things up is one of the ways to inspire passion, if not just for the variety, because it  moved us to do each of the 3 steps written in that post.

(photo taken with Paul’s iPhone)

Last week Paul and I had planned a date night, but because of the circumstances, were not able to go out until late – which meant after dinner. When I suggested going out for drinks, Paul was a little reluctant. That’s not really his thing. Sure he loves a beer as much as the next guy, but he’s never been the one to hang out at a bar. Because Paul is so sweet, he decided to advance my preferences and we went out. We went to a new restaurant & bar, but instead of sitting down and eating a meal as we usually would, we sat at the bar, had a couple of drinks, snacked on appetizers, and watched the Olympic competition on the big screens. And we had a great time – even Paul. Not only did the place have a great atmosphere, but it was fun to be dressed up and go “out” (a novelty for us as parents) while still just relaxing with my husband – chatting, laughing, commenting on the Olympics and being merry. Even Paul enjoyed it more than he expected he would.

We finished off the night going for a walk and decided we ought to do this again.

Now, I would love to hear your ideas. How have you changed up your normal date night routine? What date ideas have you enjoyed that did not include going out for dinner?

*Carolyn

(photo taken with Paul’s iPhone)

|FOLLOW US ON TWITTER|VISIT US ON FACEBOOK|CONTACT US|TWEET THIS

Monday Marriage Moments {Charlie Brown & Sacrifices}

-We love marriage just as much as we love weddings. Take a moment to prepare not just for the wedding, but for the marriage –

I found this on my new addiction Pinterest yesterday and it spoke to me. It is SO true! And then it hit me: I never watch Paul’s boring TV shows with him… yet Paul has been watching Drop Dead Diva with me. I think I need to step it up. I guess its time for some war movies or something.
Whether its TV shows, movies, or choosing a restaurant, the concept is still the same. Make a sacrifice for the sake of your fiance(e) or spouse. That’s the magic of marriage and how it makes us better people, more joyful people. Making a sacrifice for Paul, watching his boring TV show says love. It says spending time with you and being by your side is more important to me. It says you are more important to me.
Many people say “she knows I love her” or “he knows I love him”, but in the words a friend once spoke to me, Where is it? Is it in the way you speak to each other? Is it in the way you make time for each other? Is it in the way you do things for each other? Is it in the way you advance each other’s preferences? I often need to renew my commitment to love and honor Paul because “all the days of my life” is a long time and my memory is short. So I renew it now to love and honor my spouse, even when it means making sacrifices. I have to go now, it’s time to watch some old episodes of Band of Brothers
*Carolyn

|FOLLOW US ON TWITTER|VISIT US ON FACEBOOK|CONTACT US|TWEET THIS

Monday Marriage Moments {Communication: Naming the Conversation}

-We love marriage just as much as we love weddings. Take a moment to prepare not just for the wedding, but for the marriage-

More than anything else, communication is usually what you tend to hear as being most important to a good marriage. I have always struggled with this concept, because Paul and I both are big talkers, yet we still run into miscommunications. You may have heard that one of the differences between men and women is that women tend to discuss their feelings about a situation while men tend to try to figure out the problem in a situation in order to fix it.  As we have seen in our own experience, this difference in communication can cause disagreements and tension, because while one person is having a conversation about fixing something, the other is just sharing feelings. Then recently while reading Saving your Marriage before it Starts by Drs. Les & Leslie Parrot, I found the best pieces of advice regarding communication that I never heard anywhere else:

Simply label the type of conversation you want to have [fixing or feeling] and ask your partner to join you.” (p.92)

How did I not think of this before?! And how did someone not say this to me before?! It truly is simple as they say. Paul and I knew from the beginning of our marriage that while he was analyzing my stories to find and fix my problem, I just wanted him to listen and validate my feelings. Paul was not doing anything mean or bad by doing this – just different from what I wanted and was hoping for. Which lead to each of us feeling misunderstood. I thought having this knowledge of how we communicate differently was all we needed to improve these communication skills – until I read that line. I shared this with Paul and he agreed it was a great idea. We have been trying to implement that ever since. We certainly are not perfect, we still have miscommunications and often forget this amazing bit of advice. But whenever we have remembered it makes the world of difference. Not only does it prevent us from miscommunication, disappointment, and misunderstanding it also turns a would-be hour long disagreement into a lovely 10 minute bonding conversation.

Plus, this works both ways. It is not just something for men to do or for women to do, but something both of us can do. Because we each have those times where we just need a listening and caring ear. Just last week Paul came home feeling a little upset and discouraged. He told me what was going on so I told him all the reasons why he had nothing to worry about. A few minutes afterward, realizing that he was not happy with the conversation, I remembered this concept. I came back to him and told him I realized this was a “feelings” conversations and not a “fixing” conversation. I did my best to validate his feelings and give him words of encouragement by saying things like I know you must be feeling overwhelmed. This is not easy. You are doing a great job. Everything will turn out for the best.

*Carolyn

p.s. The above photo is from Cecilia & John’s Wedding who will be celebrating their anniversary in just 2 weeks. Happy Anniversary Cecilia & John!!

 

|FOLLOW US ON TWITTER|VISIT US ON FACEBOOK|CONTACT US|TWEET THIS

Monday Marriage Moments {Meetings}

-We love marriage just as much as we love weddings. Take a moment to prepare not just for the wedding, but for the marriage-

I like things that are romantic. Meetings are not romantic. But doing something that’s not so much fun, can pave the way for more fun romantic times.

Almost every week Paul and I have a business & scheduling meeting. This is a home-business meeting, not a Paul Francis Photography meeting. Meaning, we talk about things that affect our daily duties, marriage, and family life. Typically we go over our schedule for the week. What do we have going on each day? Do we have any personal plans, appointments, or meetings? Are there any major items on a our to-do list to get done or something we need the other help out with? Essentially we run through our week at a glance. So now you are thinking, ummm…. how does this help our relationship again?

Having these short little meetings (just 15 minutes) helps to set realistic expectations for ourselves and each other. If we have meetings scheduled every night, it helps us be physically and mentally prepared for it and hopefully plan a night off at the end of week. If we each have tasks which take a large chunk of uninterrupted time, we ensure we do so at a time the other is able to take care of our son. Or, if we are all up to date or even ahead of schedule with our work and house work, or have a particularly quiet week, we can take advantage in order to make time for each other and our loved ones.

Meetings have blessed our marriage tremendously. Sometimes I forget this, even as we are experiencing the positive results… and then I remember quickly when our weekly meeting gets skipped and we experience the negatives. This when I realize that I have not been understanding, or being demanding, or disappointed in the busyness. Because I thought we should have had time for this or because I thought that was a priority. When my expectations are unrealistic it totally throws me off. Not that my expectations always have to met perfectly – we are all human and no one is capable of perfection. But having meetings and taking time to do something that is unsentimental, can  allow us to plan for dates and romance. To plan ahead, to keep our expectations realistic, to keep us on the same page and most importantly, to keep the peace in our day-to-day relationship.

*Carolyn

p.s. Below is an example of what GoogleCalendar looks like, which I pulled off of another site. Even though I resisted at first, Paul has made me a believer in this awesome online calendar sharing software.

 

|FOLLOW US ON TWITTER|VISIT US ON FACEBOOK|CONTACT US|TWEET THIS
T w i t t e r
F a c e b o o k
I n s t a g r a m