Sometimes we seem so different. He likes action movies, I like comedies. He prefers beer, I prefer pina coladas. His perfect date is hiking, mine is dancing. Sometimes I wonder how in the world did we end up together? Of course, I know: true friendship, shared values, shared life-vision (that will be a future post so stay tuned), commitment to mutual love and fidelity. But in the day-to-day stuff of life we tend to over look those big picture concepts and notice the small differences that can create friction. And then dwell on them, forgetting the big stuff that brought us together in the first place. Though this post is not really about those big things, this post is about embracing those differences because finally after 3 years of marriage I’m starting to realize that they can be good for us.

During our engagement, I heard married couples say how they “balance each other out” and I wondered if Paul and I did that for one another. I even worried about it. I really did not see it at the time, probably because we did not have many conflicts! Though, as our relationship progresses and we encounter more challenges to overcome together I see this so much more. At first, it just looks like a disagreement. Like one of those how did we end up together? moments. Then as we work through it, praying for patience and understanding, I start to see that there is something unique and special about the two of us together. We balance each other out. Our differences force us to be open to new ideas, to look at the why behind our feelings. It opens us to change, and that love we have for one another makes it possible. I have seen this with big important decisions and simple not so important things like, deciding if we should take the night off or finish our work. Because Paul’s super hard-workingness causes him to work tirelessly and my non-stop Saturday night fever keeps me from getting work done. We used to argue about it, but now that we know this about ourselves we more quickly can realize if we need to  encourage the other or compromise. So our differences become a blessing (albeit in disguise) to our marriage and to us as individuals. Through them we see that we’re not perfect, but we’re perfect for each other. They give us opportunities to be open and balance each other out. So embrace those differences, like the exceptional couple that you are.

*Carolyn

ps. Go Giants! I’m not even into sports, and I thought it was good game!

We then headed out to the train station in Westfield, NJ. We are very familiar with this town and have shot there before, but never shot in the walkway under the train. I thought it would be cool to have some fun with lighting and flashes by bouncing it around in this narrow space. As you may have guessed, people were walking through and thought we were super crazy cool. You might be reading this thinking that this part of the evening is work since we were taking pictures, but honestly Paul and I have so much fun doing this. We experiment with different lighting techniques, do crazy fun poses, poke fun at each other and just have a good time.

Once our fingers were feeling frozen, we wrapped up our shooting and closed out the “work” part of the night. Nothing says pure enjoyment like ice cream (I know it was really cold, but its never too cold for ice cream), so Paul and I split a giant sundae at Cold Stone Creamery. It was delish and worth every calorie.

When I first started getting involved with photography and helping Paul on shoots, he would always take me out afterwards. He wanted to make sure that we would also be connecting during our time spent together, besides just working. So we like to keep up with that tradition and take time for foster our friendship and love for each other… over ice cream of course.

*Carolyn

In each of these photos we placed one or two flashes behind the subject (Paul or myself) so we got some nice rim light around each of us, while the light is also spreading over around the walkway and bouncing back to illuminate the front of us.

My kick is better than Paul’s, ha!

Just having some fun with those flashes!

This weekend Paul’s brother said he admired how he puts first things first. Among other things he clarified that he meant making marriage and family life a priority, focusing attention on time together as a couple and with our son. With that said, sometimes we need to focus on making marriage moments happen at home. As my mom told me, love starts at home. So if I’m not loving Paul, I cannot share the love with you guys. Right now, I need to love my husband and take a night off from writing to focus. So there are no stories, no anecdotes, or long lessons on love today. Just a couple words of wisdom from my momma: love starts at home.

*Carolyn

ps. Thanks, Esther, for snapping this photo of us.

*Carolyn

This is a shot of the model lighting set up we use to get some really dynamic and cool looking images.

Francis doing a fabulous job second shooting in my absence.

The model lighting setup is great for a groom and his groomsmen. When used correctly, it makes them look super tough.

This shows the behind the scenes of one of the winning photos from our photo contest! When this photo was taken it was very windy. And that lighting set up, while it looks big, does not have much more than a light on the inside. That means the whole thing pretty much acts like a sail, so it is really important that there are two of us so that one person can hold it still. I am so impressed with Francis here because he is holding it and shooting at the same time. That ain’t easy. It usually takes me two hands. Nice job, Francis!

Paul chatting with the priest before Julia and Rich‘s ceremony. He always likes to introduce himself and be sure that he knows what kind of regulations there may be to ensure we are being completely respectful throughout the ceremony.

This wedding happened to be for a friend, so I got to wear my fun party dress

Gotta make sure we capture that dress in all its glory.

Paul climbed through that brush you see behind him to stand on the ledge in front of a dam (the bridal party is at the bottom of the dam). Everyone had a lot of fun being there. Thanks, Francis for capturing this moment!

Francis got this awesome silhouette of Paul shooting the bride and groom using the model light at Washington Rock State Park.

These next couple are from some engagement style shoots…. here we are testing out that back lighting.

Carolyn: a.k.a. the oh-so-mobile human flash stand.

Paul often uses me as model to test the light before we bring out the bride, that way the photos go quickly.

As you can see, I’ve gotten used to it. Now I just enjoy it and do different poses as he dials in the light. I think I look cool. Side note: do you like my boots? I bought and returned several pairs of boots before settling on these in my quest for the perfect flat boot. Paul thinks I’m crazy, but I know you ladies out there can relate!

Paul is using a reflector to bounce the light streaming through the window. This results in perfect soft flattering light on the bride.

Showing Jo, a bridesmaid, how to show her sassy side.

Christina and Cole were all for taking pictures outside despite the cold weather. We made sure to move quickly and keep her covered with that beautiful wrap as much as possible.

Check out Cole (the groom)’s face! This is possibly my favorite behind the scenes shot because Paul did not even realize that he captured this moment until afterwards – The groom is attempting to help his bride with her veil, utterly confused, until I jump in to save him. ha!

Every time Paul came near this little boy he would pose and then immediately ask to see the picture. He was too cute. Of course, he reminded us of our little boy who was at home with Grandma and Grandpa.

Giving the benefit of the doubt. It sounds so simple, yet for me sometimes the simplest things are surprisingly difficult to carry out. I never even thought about this as a concept to apply to Paul and I until I read about it in a book on marriage. The author reminds us that despite our inevitable fights disagreements, our spouses are people of general good will and argues that more often than not we should give them the benefit of the doubt. Our spouses are people of good will? You might want to say, duh! That’s why we are (getting) married! But somehow in the heat of a discussion this logic gets buried behind sentiments of I’m right! But, just reminding myself of this simple truth at those moments I’m often moved to recognition and repentance of what I have done wrong. Or, if I am actually right it helps me to approach the issue with peace, gentleness, and forgiveness.

So if we remember that our spouses are people of good will then we can also more easily give them the benefit of the doubt. I don’t know if this is a woman thing or a Carolyn thing, but Paul is often refuting my assumptions when I “read between the lines”. He will say What? Did I say that?, and when I proudly say that even though he did not actually say those words I know how to interpret what he said.  Paul just laughs and says light-heartedly, I didn’t mean that at all. You’re so silly. And then I’m all mad for being wrong, on top of whatever reason that I invented in head. Hopefully I can heed the advice I read in that book. When I think I should be offended by something, to give Paul the benefit of the doubt. To remember, this is my husband, my caring, sensitive, loving, gentle, husband who loves me, whyyy would he come out of no where and offend me? Chances are, he probably did not. Giving the benefit of the doubt, not jumping to conclusions, not only does it save me from useless stress but it’s another way to show Paul my love. It lets him know that I recognize he is a person of good will, a loving husband, and I know I have a good man.

*Carolyn

ps. Did you see the Giants game last night?! Even though I’m not much of a sports fan, since Paul’s grandfather played for the Giants back in the day when they wore leather helmets, I am a fan by association. I watch almost every game with Paul. That was a pretty awesome game, makes me more excited to see what happens at the Superbowl!!

1st place – 24×36 canvas print of image of your choice ($600 value)
2nd place – 20×30 canvas print of image of your choice ($500 value)
3rd place – 16×20 canvas print of image of your choice ($300 value)

Even though we knew I would want to redo this video about 800 times, we decided to go ahead and do a video announcement for the results. Paul did put a stop to my feminine-self-conscious-madness so we only did this maybe twice which means I would be so happy if you would ignore the fact that I’m totally awkward in front of the video camera. Now that we have the disclaimers out of the way, watch our video below to find out who the winners are!

Thank you so much to everyone who participated in this contest, you helped to make it a great success! And a big congratulations to our winners! Expect an email from us with more info on what to do next to receive your prize. We are so excited for you to get your gorgeous canvases and to see them up on your walls!

*Carolyn

Some Fan Favorites:                                                                                             Most Viewed Posts:

1. Meredith & Kevin’s Wedding : a Destination Wedding                              1. Christina & Cole’s Wedding : a Christmas Wedding

2. Emily & Noah’s Engagement : a Boardwalk Engagement                          2. Eva & Mike’s Engagement : a Fall Engagement

3. Monday Marriage Moments {inbetween} : a post on Marriage            3. A Year of Party People : 2011 in review

4. Kristin & Ben’s Wedding : a Summer Wedding                                            4. Briana & Chris’ Wedding : a Fall Snowstorm Wedding

5. Sonia & Dan’s Wedding : a Beach Wedding                                                   5. Monday Marriage Moments {that’s your job}

*Carolyn

ps. Do you have a favorite post that’s not listed here?

pps. I know you are DYING to find out the winners to the 2011 Photo Contest… we are tallying the votes and will announce the winners very soon. Stay tuned. In the meantime, enjoy this video I recently rediscovered from my past life as a Spanish teacher:

When we were engaged, the advice we were given was to “Divide and conquer” the everyday things of life. Mowing the lawn, folding laundry, making dinner, all that everyday and not-so-glamorous-but-still-needs-to-get-done stuff. We divide our chores, choose our domains, and then everything is taken care of. It was good advice, and we follow it. Sometimes a need will arise and I’ll find myself saying “that’s your job” or “that’s not my area“. And it’s true, but not very loving. Yes, it is important and good to divide up tasks and for us both to contribute to our home together. But that does not mean that we cannot help our beloved with their chores. How sweet is it when you walk up to the sink ready to get your hands dirty when alas! it is all done already! Woohoo! I have a little party to my myself for a minute. It is so sweet. A good friend who has been married longer than us recently said to me that they each have their own chores but they make a point to cross over into the others at times. When I heard this I realized that often when I say “that’s your job”  I’m really just pushing something off onto Paul because I know he will do it and I don’t want to. I can’t imagine Paul feels like having a little party to rejoice when I say that. And to be honest, neither do I. I do feel a sense of relief that I do not have to do something, but deep down I feel the sting of selfishness, and that really does not feel good. So I’ve been making an effort to follow in my friend’s footsteps and not only change my heart of selfishness but to cross over into Paul’s domain. So I took out the garbage, the recycling, even the garbage from the baby’s diaper pail, blah! I loathe every minute of it, every time. But as I remind myself that I am doing this out of love, that Paul may feel the sweetness of surprisingly finding his chore already complete, I know I’m allowing marriage to do it’s job – to make me a better person.

*Carolyn

ps. I took this picture of Paul when I was pregnant with our little Leo. Paul is so hardworking and loving, I already knew that he would be a diaper champ.

pps. Only one more day left of voting for the 2011 Photo Contest! Remember all votes must be in by midnight on Tuesday, January 17th (that’s tomorrow!). The competition is so close!!! For more details click here.

1st place -  24×36 canvas print of image of your choice ($600 value)
2nd place -  20×30 canvas print of image of your choice ($500 value)
3rd place -  16×20 canvas print of image of your choice ($300 value)

If you’re wondering how big 24×36 actually looks, here is me in front of two 24×36 canvases. Don’t mind my end-of-the-day look.

again, in order to vote:

1. Go to our Facebook Fanpage here (http://www.facebook.com/paulfrancisphotography)
2. “Like” our page
3. Comment on the photo with a couple of your own words describing why you love the photo. (You are free to “like” the photo as well, but this will not be counted as vote, so be sure to leave some love in the comments.)

Happy Voting!!!

*Carolyn

p.s. If you would like to see the full post of images from any of these weddings click of the couples’ name.

Christina and Rex

Kelly and Will

Cecilia and John

Kristin and Ben

Eva and Tom

Sonia and Dan

Melissa and Juan Manuel

Meredith and Kevin

Julia and Rich

Briana and Chris

Melissa and Eugene

Christina and Cole

I love going out on dates, going out for dinner, a drink, and especially ice cream. It’s one of my favorite things to do. And Paul knows this, so it’s definitely something that we are sure to make time for in order to invest in our relationship, no matter how busy we are. But even when we are able to go out every week (which, let’s be honest is not always possible) there are still 6 other days in the week that are just as important to our relationship. It would not make sense to neglect your beau for 6 days since you know there is an awesome date planned at the end of the week. Really, the special date night out is a celebration of the love that we share with our spouses all week long. So, what does that mean? Share love with your spouse every day, not just on the special days. And in the everyday there is not always an opportunity to romantically surprise your spouse (though, like I’ve said before even if you just have 10 extra minutes a little fun surprise is always welcome) but we can still love our husbands and wives in the little things, in the moments in between. In between loading the dishes into the dishwasher, in between getting dressed and leaving for work, in between going over important wedding planning details. Giving a little affection, doing a quick favor, offering a kind word of admiration or thanks. These little things can set a tone of love and joy. My favorite time to show a little love is when we’re getting ready for bed, just hanging out, brushing our teeth. The day is done, we’ve put all our projects and ideas to rest for the night, and there’s nothing in our way or distracting us. We’re just relaxed. So we have fun joking around and talking as we get ready for bed. It’s not a lot of time, 5 or 10 minutes at the most. But for us, after a long day of completing our respective tasks it’s just a few moments of shared time. Maybe for you and your love its something else or maybe you haven’t found it yet. Either way, it doesn’t matter. What matters is that we’re not waiting for a special time or event to show our spouse that we love them. Just taking those little moments in between to give a little love. Can you share an idea of a time or way that you or your fiance(e)/spouse likes to express love in the in between?

*Carolyn