-We love marriage just as much as we love weddings. Take a moment to prepare not just for the wedding, but for the marriage–
I appreciate you. It’s not something that naturally rolls off my tongue the way I love you does. As a matter of fact I never really thought about using those words much until I met Paul. Sure, its nice to hear how he appreciates the work I do around the house or taking care of our boy, but I wouldn’t think to express it in that way at first. When Paul and I were dating I realized how important this was, and is, to him. At the time neither of us realized it was because of his love language. (If you haven’t read the blog post Paul wrote a while back on the Five Love Languages take a look here) Paul’s way of “hearing” and understanding love is through words of affirmation – I appreciate you or I appreciate that you did the dishes. But this is like a foreign language to me. You may be thinking, but Carolyn didn’t you once mention that you learned several foreign languages as an adult? So this is the same thing, it shouldn’t be too hard for you, right? Hmm, OK so theoretically it shouldn’t be too hard for me, but should and reality are two different things. Besides, learning any foreign language takes practice, which inevitably includes lots and lots of mistakes. So in my efforts to love my husband in the way that he will understand, I don’t always get it right. I try to remember those words I appreciate you, but I forget. Often. It is so easy to forget because nothing really bad happens if I don’t affirm him. Rather, Paul just slowly but surely starts to feel unloved. And I certainly don’t want the most important guy in my life to feel unloved. So I have to remember that and remind myself. Usually I remember when I think hey, I like what he just did. I’d like him to do that more often. So I affirm him. I say Thank you. I say I appreciate that you thought of me. Sometimes when I realize I haven’t done this much and I’ve been slacking I think of the things that he does every day. The things that I think he ought to be doing, or things that I don’t even think about, or even the things I’ve asked him to do a hundred times. I let him know that I appreciate all those things that I take for granted. Even though I have to admit that I’m partially motivated by selfishness, so that he will keep doing things I want him to, I ought to be motivated just to make him feel loved. Because really, I love Paul with all my heart but he may not hear it unless I use those three little words, I appreciate you.
*Carolyn
If you would like to see more pictures from Kelly and Will’s wedding, click here.
