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-We love marriage just as much as we love weddings. Take a moment to prepare not just for the wedding, but for the marriage –

Date Night is my favorite night of the week.  I wish I could say we faithfully went out every week, but when you need a babysitter to get out, it is just not always a reality. When we are not able to actually go out of the house, we still make time for each other. We have our “at home dates” and rather than watching a movie together since we do that ALL the time, and  it does not leave much room for personal connection, we take advantage of the beautiful summer nights that have been slowly turning into fall (yes, I know it is fall. I have just recently accepted that summer is over) So we sit out on the front stoop, as my dad would call it.

I grew up in a house with a great front porch and spent countless hours hanging out there enjoying good company with friends and family. It was always a good time for a litany of reasons: It is comfortable. It is quiet. There is no distraction to having a good long conversation. It is a great way to enjoy the beautiful weather. And last, but not least: for us as parents, it requires no babysitter! We do not have that same porch like the house I grew up in, but we still have our front stoop. After our son is in bed, we will often go outside – sometimes with a bowl of ice cream or a glass of wine – and enjoy each others company. We do not always stay out for very long, especially when those mosquitos are out! But we stay out long enough for us to reconnect with one another, to have quality time and to know each other. And I think knowing each other is the first step in loving each other because as our good friend Isaac once reminded me, “you cannot love what you do not know“. Wise words.

*Carolyn

ps. I had to resist the urge to embed this video . After writing this post it has been in my head and I have been randomly bursting out into song!

-We love marriage just as much as we love weddings. Take a moment to prepare not just for the wedding, but for the marriage –

One of the most important things in order to build a foundation of communication is empathy according to Drs. Les and Leslie Parrot in their book Saving Your Marriage Before it Starts – the book that I was given as a newlywed but did not read until after we had been married for over a year and has been my new favorite book ever since I read it. So for those of you who follow the MMM posts, you have heard me talk about it before.

Empathy is looking at something through the vision of someone else. It is fully and whole heartedly understanding where your spouse is coming from, from their perspective.

In their books the Drs. Parrot also discuss other points that build a foundation to good communication, but I think they all lead towards the last one they mention: empathy. I also think it is the biggest one because it is not easy to do and it is so important. I often find myself saying “I know where you’re coming from, but… ” But really If I take a step back, it is plain to see that I only “know” where he is coming from on a very surface level. Usually, I have not allowed myself to really look at the situation through his eyes and empathize with him, because if I do I might change my mind and I am stubborn. In our personal experience empathy is such a powerful building block to communication. When we practice empathy, it puts us both on the same page. It allows us to see the situation clearly, to think clearly, and to communicate clearly and peacefully.

I know there are many more concrete practical things you can do to effectively communicate, but empathy is at the heart of loving and clear communication. Do you having any personal experience with this? What do you think?

*Carolyn