-We love marriage just as much as we love weddings. Take a moment to prepare not just for the wedding, but for the marriage-
Giving the benefit of the doubt. It sounds so simple, yet for me sometimes the simplest things are surprisingly difficult to carry out. I never even thought about this as a concept to apply to Paul and I until I read about it in a book on marriage. The author reminds us that despite our inevitable fights disagreements, our spouses are people of general good will and argues that more often than not we should give them the benefit of the doubt. Our spouses are people of good will? You might want to say, duh! That’s why we are (getting) married! But somehow in the heat of a discussion this logic gets buried behind sentiments of I’m right! But, just reminding myself of this simple truth at those moments I’m often moved to recognition and repentance of what I have done wrong. Or, if I am actually right it helps me to approach the issue with peace, gentleness, and forgiveness.
So if we remember that our spouses are people of good will then we can also more easily give them the benefit of the doubt. I don’t know if this is a woman thing or a Carolyn thing, but Paul is often refuting my assumptions when I “read between the lines”. He will say What? Did I say that?, and when I proudly say that even though he did not actually say those words I know how to interpret what he said. Paul just laughs and says light-heartedly, I didn’t mean that at all. You’re so silly. And then I’m all mad for being wrong, on top of whatever reason that I invented in head. Hopefully I can heed the advice I read in that book. When I think I should be offended by something, to give Paul the benefit of the doubt. To remember, this is my husband, my caring, sensitive, loving, gentle, husband who loves me, whyyy would he come out of no where and offend me? Chances are, he probably did not. Giving the benefit of the doubt, not jumping to conclusions, not only does it save me from useless stress but it’s another way to show Paul my love. It lets him know that I recognize he is a person of good will, a loving husband, and I know I have a good man.
*Carolyn
ps. Did you see the Giants game last night?! Even though I’m not much of a sports fan, since Paul’s grandfather played for the Giants back in the day when they wore leather helmets, I am a fan by association. I watch almost every game with Paul. That was a pretty awesome game, makes me more excited to see what happens at the Superbowl!!
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