Paul Francis Photography

-We love marriage just as much as we love weddings. Take a moment to prepare not just for the wedding, but for the marriage-

For those of you reading this who were not once a 12 year old girl, BFF stands for Best Friends Forever and invokes feelings of cheesy teen movies and slumber parties. When I look past the corny associations of the phrase, I realize that I do have a BFF: my husband Paul. We share our secrets with each other, we spend lots of time together, we have fun together, we have deep conversations, we are the first ones to get a call when something interesting happens to the other, our lives are intertwined, no one knows more about him than me or about me than him – we are BFF. That is a good thing. Becoming best friends does not happen without investing time and energy into one another. And we make an effort to make sure that we stay best friends. We love going out for date nights. We make time to have real conversations. We play games and are silly together. We burst out into random song & dance while making breakfast. We spend time doing something the other really enjoys. We go for walks. We work together on life (not just business). We put our cellphones and other electronics away. In short, we invest in each other. Because having a friendship with your spouse is one of the greatest gifts you can have. What do you like to do to invest in your friendship with your fiance(e) or spouse? Share an idea below in the comment box AND share a link to this page on facebook and we will give one random commenter/sharer, who does so before the next MMM post (Monday, March 12th)  a $20 Fandango giftcard – to go see a movie with your love! I cannot wait to hear your ideas and to try them out with Paul!!

*Carolyn

to see more photos from Christina and Cole’s wedding click here.

-We love marriage just as much as we love weddings. Take a moment to prepare not just for the wedding, but for the marriage-

Keeping the peace is always a priority for me. It’s just my personality – if there’s a conflict I want to resolve it ASAP. I want to figure out what each of us did wrong, apologize, kiss and make up and act like nothing ever happened. So my inclination is to agree with the phrase I often hear to “never go to bed angry”. However, my wonderful husband does not bounce back as quickly as I do, he needs a little more time. My sister-in-law once told me she did not agree with that phrase “never go to bed angry” which I held to be so true. She told me she felt that sometimes it was good to get a good night’s rest before finishing a disagreement. I thought that may work for her, but not for me. Then again I did marry her brother…So Paul and I had a tift. And of course it happened late at night. No one is at their best at the end of the day. We were running around in circles, not solving anything and becoming frustrated. Paul told me we gotta go to bed, we’ll talk tomorrow. Aggh, I thought this is not what I want, I just want to get it smoothed over and move on. I hate going to bed without a resolution. But the next day as I took time to reflect and digest what happened the night before I reluctantly came to the realization that Paul was right. Not that he was right about what we were discussing (I do not remember who won that one, and honestly it is not important), but he was right about needing to wait. When we find ourselves in a situation where we are no longer handling the disagreement appropriately, taking a break, cooling off, and reflecting is like magic for me. I find peace and just see things clearly. I am able to go back to Paul and approach him with humility, honesty and love. That makes a BIG difference. So while we always make sure to affirm our love for each other before turning in for the night, I do agree with taking a step back, even if it does mean I have to “go to bed angry”.

*Carolyn

-We love marriage just as much as we love weddings. Take a moment to prepare not just for the wedding, but for the marriage-

My brother-in-law once said that he and his wife (Paul’s sister) enjoy working together on their “life project”. It sounded sort of weird and daunting to me at first, but he explained that their life project included things like, loving one another, raising their boys to become good men, fostering their health through eating nutritional foods, providing a good education through their homeschooling, and whatever else they shared a commitment to doing together. I thought it was great to have that focus, that the two of them together had very real goals in mind that they work towards together, as a team, which last a lifetime. At the time Paul and I were not yet married so for some reason I thought that meant there was no reason for us to come up with a life project. Or maybe I just did not know what it was yet.

Then Paul and I heard another married couple that works together say almost the same thing just a couple of weeks ago. They talked about the importance of having a LIFE mission statement before your business mission statement in order to keep the business statement in check. They shared their own life mission statement with us, which was similar to my brother- and sister-in-law’s life project but with their own values and life goals. I thought it was a great idea, again. Only this time Paul and I have been married for 3 years and we have yet to make an official one of our own.

Just by going through the process of getting engaged and married we sort of did this subconsciously. While we were dating we realized that we had shared values and goals as we talked about all those big important things like faith, family, raising children, working, finances, living, etc… As a matter of fact, before Paul and I even started dating we had one of those serious conversations and afterward told my sister I think he is going to fall in love with me. He just eats up everything I say! It’s funny to remember in retrospect. I did not think I was anything special or out of the ordinary, but Paul being 5 years older than me and having been in other real relationships in the past, knew that I was not like every other girl he had dated. It’s not that I’m perfect or amazing or have it all figured out – it was just that Paul saw how well we fit together in a way that I could not at the time. So over our time together dating, engaged, and married we have found pieces of our life project, life goals, or life vision, whatever you want to call it. So now we are finally going to solidify our life vision and actually write it down on paper. I’m very excited. I’m excited to have it written down, to post it in our home, to be able to refer to it and meditate on it when we are unsure where to invest our time and energy, when we have a conflict between us, or when we lose focus for any reason. So we can come back to our life project, our life vision together as a couple and reaffirm our love and commitment to one another.

*Carolyn

to see more photos from Emily & Noah’s Engagement session, click here.

-We love marriage just as much as we love weddings. Take a moment to prepare not just for the wedding, but for the marriage-

Sometimes we seem so different. He likes action movies, I like comedies. He prefers beer, I prefer pina coladas. His perfect date is hiking, mine is dancing. Sometimes I wonder how in the world did we end up together? Of course, I know: true friendship, shared values, shared life-vision (that will be a future post so stay tuned), commitment to mutual love and fidelity. But in the day-to-day stuff of life we tend to over look those big picture concepts and notice the small differences that can create friction. And then dwell on them, forgetting the big stuff that brought us together in the first place. Though this post is not really about those big things, this post is about embracing those differences because finally after 3 years of marriage I’m starting to realize that they can be good for us.

During our engagement, I heard married couples say how they “balance each other out” and I wondered if Paul and I did that for one another. I even worried about it. I really did not see it at the time, probably because we did not have many conflicts! Though, as our relationship progresses and we encounter more challenges to overcome together I see this so much more. At first, it just looks like a disagreement. Like one of those how did we end up together? moments. Then as we work through it, praying for patience and understanding, I start to see that there is something unique and special about the two of us together. We balance each other out. Our differences force us to be open to new ideas, to look at the why behind our feelings. It opens us to change, and that love we have for one another makes it possible. I have seen this with big important decisions and simple not so important things like, deciding if we should take the night off or finish our work. Because Paul’s super hard-workingness causes him to work tirelessly and my non-stop Saturday night fever keeps me from getting work done. We used to argue about it, but now that we know this about ourselves we more quickly can realize if we need to  encourage the other or compromise. So our differences become a blessing (albeit in disguise) to our marriage and to us as individuals. Through them we see that we’re not perfect, but we’re perfect for each other. They give us opportunities to be open and balance each other out. So embrace those differences, like the exceptional couple that you are.

*Carolyn

ps. Go Giants! I’m not even into sports, and I thought it was good game!

-We love marriage just as much as we love weddings. Take a moment to prepare not just for the wedding, but for the marriage-

This weekend Paul’s brother said he admired how he puts first things first. Among other things he clarified that he meant making marriage and family life a priority, focusing attention on time together as a couple and with our son. With that said, sometimes we need to focus on making marriage moments happen at home. As my mom told me, love starts at home. So if I’m not loving Paul, I cannot share the love with you guys. Right now, I need to love my husband and take a night off from writing to focus. So there are no stories, no anecdotes, or long lessons on love today. Just a couple words of wisdom from my momma: love starts at home.

*Carolyn

ps. Thanks, Esther, for snapping this photo of us.